Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
