In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
