my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wanna passion pit in your ass
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
