***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
