I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
