He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
