he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
