She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
