I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize