I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
