I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
