very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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