You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Floor bacon is actually really good
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
