Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize