1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
