I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
