You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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