Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
