Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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