Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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