There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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