You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
