I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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