she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
