Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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