she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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