Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
