does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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