I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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