do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
