He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
