i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
