Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sarcasm needs its own font
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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