I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
