dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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