I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
