I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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