People with herpes should wear stickers.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
