I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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