Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
