I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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