My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize