The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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