just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
