Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
