I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
