I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
is that a dick in a sweater?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
