I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I did not marry a roomba.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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