it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
