HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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