Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There are leaves in my underwear?
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