ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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