he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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