Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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