dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just cut my nipple shaving
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he puts the penis in happiness.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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