It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
