three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
