this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
