i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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