some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
