You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
