HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
