It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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