@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
