so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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