K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you had me at cake vodka
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
