I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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