You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
