remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
