Kiss
Puke
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
